sprinkled in glitter.
2:03 PM



Everything's a blur;


It's amazing
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing

The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
Try as they may
They can never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine

on a random note.
i dont care.
think what you want to think.
just dont come up with things you dont know, or claim to.
cos it isnt true.
and it hurts.

QUOTE--
the past few days have been oh-so-tiring but very rewarding.
sec one orientation went very well, in my opinion.

it was really great.
really.

seeing sec one six blossom from quiet shy sec ones to enthusiastic class-ij-spirit filled youth made me feel so happy.
i figured it's cos i played a part in influencing the change.

and nothing else can cut close to the sense of achievement.


after the games, telematch the councillors cleaned up the whole basketball court.
it was then.
when everyone was scrubbing, splashing, carrying heavy bucket fulls of water.
using small pieces of sponge to rub off masses of flour whilst kneeling.
tired looks swept every face, and yet, no voices sounded complain.

it was then that i really understood the meaning of Servant Leadership.

tolerance contributed a whole lot.

it reminded me of obs.
when mad and i did the capsize drills, we were hence delayed and far far far away from the rest of the kayaking fleet.
the wind was against us.
we were so tired.
we were so exhausted.

but something just kept driving us on.

i cried whilst kayaking.
tears just streamed.

i was trying so hard.
and we didnt seem to be making any progress.
it really seemed as though the waves, the sea was testing us.
testing our perseverance.
testing to see when we'd cave in.

but we didnt.
i was crying.
i wanted to give up.

i cant do it.
i cant.
i'm so tired.
i'm cying.
mad! cant you see we're not moving! paddle!

that's what i told myself.
it was just so hard.
i cried beacause i was trying so hard.
and yet, couldnt succeed.

we kayaked for half an hour against the wind.
half an hour of crying.
crying and convincing myself, NO. Samantha, dont say you cant do it.
you can.

i was saying i couldnt do it.
yet trying to mentally convince myself that i could.


it was an experience i will never forget.

i pushed myself.
so much.
when we finally reached the fleet.

i cried even more.

because mad and i managed to do it.

no number of words can really fully describe how i felt while kayaking.
i'll remember the tears that's all i can say.
cos they taught me perseverance.

and when i was scrubbing the floor with the long brushing thing,
i felt that again.

that kayaking thing.


and this time.
i didnt cry.

cos i knew i had the strength to do it.
the strength to get through it.

and hey, i did.

it wasnt some hard task or anything, and i prolly sound silly typing this.
but i was just tired. and pmsing.

YEAH.

and seeing a clean basketball court.
was exactly like catching up with the fleet.

servant leadership cant be learnt from a textbook.
it's experienced.

and cleaning up after the games, made me realise.
it's not about expecting people to respect you or thinking 'nvm la, someone ELSE will do it'.
it's about gaining that respect yourself.
by example.

it's cos when you've gained it, that you'll realise you've succeeded.

no one else is going to make the change that you want to see or take credit for.
you've got to do that yourself.

you've got to do it yourself.

respect is earned.
not granted or given.

and you've got to earn it yourself.

mhmmm.
that's what the sec one orientation helped me realise.
and servant leadership.
it's leading by example.

at the end of the day, you learn something from what you've gone through.



Storms make trees take deeper roots.

looong post coming up.


please dont say anything if this post is awful emo.
i'm sick of writing letters.
cos when i read them again, it just makes me feel worst.

woke up this morning feeling really groggy and awful.
dont know why.

felt really bad.
and yet didnt feel exactly sick.

so i'm staying home.
i need time, i guess.


maybe i know why.
but i dont want it to be the reason.
that's why i say i dont know.

and maybe maybe that's the same reason.

maybe.



i cant say what i want to anymore.
and i want things the way they were.

but it's ruined now.
it's like our butterfly flew away.

and you say i'm not helping you catch it.


guess i had it all wrong all along.

i didnt want it this way.


i said.
i couldnt keep this up.
and i meant that.


i was always the one hanging.
you always knew what i meant.
and i meant it.
everytime.

i meant it everytime.

what's there inside you, shines through to me.

it's like nothing matters to you anymore.

all you ever said.

it's almost as though you're forcing yourself not to care.

you always knew what i meant.

and i meant it.

i always did.

i'm sorry you cant say the same.

THANKS.


you said you didnt care.

at the very least i hope my care means something.
cos i know it does.

i cant sing this without crying.

in a perfect world, one we've never known.
we would never need. to face the world, alone.
they can have their world, we'll create our own.
i may not be brave, or strong or smart,
but somewhere in my secret heart,
i know,
love will find a way.
anywhere i go, i'm home.
if you are there beside me, like dark,
turning into day, somehow we'll pull through,
now that i've found you, love will a way.

i was so afraid, nwo i realise, love is never wrong, and so it never dies.
there's a perfect world, shining in your eyes.
and if only they could feel it too, the happiness i feel in you.